Breakthrough!

    This week the Idyll-Beast Research Center was granted access to a cache of evidence of staggering breadth and quality. An officer of a corporation known as KKCo sent us a link to a drop box account which held a  tranche of randomly numbered files. Although our cyber team is still trying to reconstruct the provinance and sequence of the images encrypted therein, preliminary examination points to their authenticity. Certainly they are of of a professionalism rarely seen in our field. Although we are unable to identify the Researcher depicted, or the photographer, these images seem destined to set a high bar for future cryptozoologists.

    Steve and I did have a brief encounter this summer with a team of "fashionistas" here in Idyllwild for a combination photo shoot/cryoto-hominid search. We are big fans of crossover projects and genre bending, so we did all we could to help the intrepid investigators. Maps, literature, advice about camp sites... things many visitors seek at the local Ranger Station, are also available at Steve's "Idyll-Beast Research Center Museum and Gift Shoppe," also know as "the Cave," "Bubba's Books," or "the Hot Corner." Our guest seems to have made herself right at home. 

    The images show off a dazzling array of fine outdoor attire in often startling combinations. An undetermined location for a campsite is chosen, and a tent is pitched. Here is where the confusion over sequence makes establishing a time line difficult. Without time stamps we can't be sure in which order these images were taken, but have done our best to reconstruct a plausible narrative .

    It seems this team had more luck than those TV "Big Foot Hunters" we have grown tired of hearing about and debunking. Perhaps there is a lesson to be learned here; maybe putting a motley assortment of foul smelling, noisy and besotted bear-men in camo and encouraging them to run amok in the wilderness is not the best way to establish contact with crypto-hominids. This team seems to have employed a kinder, gentler and definitely more elegant approach.

Like all good research, the value is often in new vistas opened up, new avenues of discovery, and new friends made.

Oklahoma On My Mind

  “If you don’t know the answer, don’t just make something up.”  This simple rule has been in the news lately. It seems to me a good one. We at the Idyll-Beast Research Center do our best to live up to it. If a question is particularly pressing, and/or disturbing, and the answer a matter of ascertainable fact, one should at least try to look it up.

        So it was this week when Idy started in with the questions:

 “Where is Oklahoma?” 

I was at that moment occupied with a vexing bit of lab maintenance, and the query sounded innocent enough; a vague generality seemed appropriate. 

“Far away.”

Idy though for a moment and tried again; “Far away or very far?”

“A long ways, Idy. Hundreds of mile.” A ballpark estimate.

Idy still wasn’t satisfied. “How many hundreds?”

I have learned, over the years, that sometimes you have to address the concerns of others, even if they seem distant or abstract. One animal’s idle wondering may be another’s existential dilemna. So I put down the wrench and the faucet parts, extracted myself from under the sink,  and pulled out the atlas. “Let’s see, one inch equals 400 miles… It’s about 800 miles at the closest point… as the crow flies.”

Idy mulled over this information for a moment. “That is pretty far.”

“What’s up Idy, you aren’t thinking of moving are you?”

“To Oklahoma, no, no. Gods and Monsters no.”

“What is it then?”

Idy grumbled a bit, and then from amidst his folds of luxurious golden fur produced a bit of newsprint. He proceeded to unfold it, and smoothed it out. The headline was a shock, but not, I confess, a surprise.

OKLAHOMA LAWMAKER INTRODUCES BILL TO CREATE “BIGFOOT” HUNTING SEASON

I took off my glasses and massaged my forehead. “Oh Idy, I’m so sorry. Where did you find this?”

Idy was now all inarticulate grunts and gestures, obviously not going to be distracted. I began a general explanation of the process by which a bill may become a law. 

 “Think of a bill as like…a mosquito egg. Most get eaten by fish or frogs, and we go around in the spring and turn over containers that have water in them. That’s like the legislative committee. Some hatch and turn into larvae, and fish and frogs eat those too.  Think of that as the debate on the floor.  Those that turn into mosquitos get eaten by birds or bats, think of that as the other house voting no, or the governor vetoing it. …”

Idy interrupted: “But every summer we still get bit!” 

I tried again. 

        “Oklahoma has a House and a Senate, and they both have to vote yes on this…” Idy broke in again “But they are all Oklahomans!” 

I tried another tack.

     “Often the finished legislation bears little resemblance to the proposed bill. It says here the hunting might be limited to ‘non-lethal trapping.’”

My attempts to soothe Idy were having the opposite effect, he was getting more worked up. 

“Maybe they should legalize non-lethal trapping of Legislators!”  

“Easy now Idy, an eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind!”

“OK, Homo sapiens, what do you suggest?”

“Maybe… a letter writing campaign…or  postcards.”

“Suggesting the Legislators schedule their annual team-building workshop in the forest that weekend?”

“Oh, Idy, be careful with anything the post office might flag as threatening. It’s always better to come off as encouraging somehow.”

“Encourage them to…. take up birdwatching! ....Or kite flying!”

        “Now your thinking Idy.. And remember, these people might be ‘non compos mentis’. It isn’t nice to browbeat people who aren’t quite               right in the head or as fortunate as we are.. Always write as if you believe in someone, that they might do the right thing, that you might like them. Here is a picture of the representative who introduced the bill. He has a nice hat..."

        “OK,…Dear Lawmaker; I like your hat.…”

        “Good start. How about ‘Dear Cousin?’ Everybody in Oklahoma is cousins!” 

“OK, 'Dear Cousin; I like your hat. Is law-making hard? It looks hard. About this Bigfoot Hunting thing; maybe declaring “open season”      on each other isn’t the best idea. Maybe there would be  benefits for all Oklahomans in declaring the week of the Honobia Bigfoot Festival “Oklahoma Bigfoot Friendship week?'”

“Now your’e on a roll Idy. Maybe… 'world famous and beloved Honobia Bigfoot Festival.' ”

“OK. And … ‘Local businesses could offer discounts to Bigfoot. People could roam the forests with delicious snacks. Maybe a Bigfoot calling contest with prizes.”

“That sounds about right. Now you need a nice complimentary closing. 

“Looking forward to seeing you in the forest next October. Your friend, Idyll-Beast.”

“That’s great Idy! We'll give you a title...."Legislative Affairs Director, Idyll-Beast Research Center." Maybe we should send copies to all the Oklahoma Legislators."

 For legislative affairs fans, here is the postcard. You can print it out and send it to members of the Oklahoma Legislature.

Dear Cousin

    I like your hat. Is law-making hard? It looks hard. 

   About this Bigfoot Hunting thing; maybe declaring “open season” on each other isn’t the best idea. Maybe there would be benefits for all Oklahomans in declaring the week of your world famous and beloved Honobia Bigfoot Festival “Oklahoma Bigfoot Friendship Week.”

     Local businesses could offer discounts to Bigfoot. People could roam the forests with delicious snacks. Maybe a Bigfoot calling contest with prizes. 

     Looking forward to seeing you in the forest next October. 

Your friend,

Legislatyive Affairs Intern

Idyll-Beast Research Center

Virtual and physical visitors to our Forests and Parks are advised that not all Idyll-Beast contacts are legitimate. It is a sad fact of our modern existence that unscrupulous actors are poised to take advantage of the unsuspecting. Travelers should exercise normal vigilance and caution during Beast contact episodes.

 1) Real Idyll-Beasts will never ask for your personal information, Social Security number or Banking data. 

 2) They will never ask you to buy them gift cards or wire transfer them money. 

 3) There is no "valet parking" at Riverside County Parks. Any creature offering to park your car for you should be treated with suspicion. 

 4) Idyll-beast will never send you unsolicited text messages asking you to "click" on a link. Hackers go to great legnths to make messages look real, adding phony ".gov" addresses and even government seals. Better to type an address into the browser bar directly. A cautious "hover" of the mouse will reveal the actual destination of a link. 

 5) The Beast will not use "what's app" or other social medai to contact people and neither will the US government. 

 

Report scams to ftc.gov/complaint. Your report matters. It helps stop scams and alert people about them.

New Rules

Riverside County Public Health Officials have announced new rules regarding Idyll-Beast sightings. 

Visitors to our Parks and Wilderness-adjacent communities are instructed to maintain social distancing at all times. Although there are no documented cases of Human to Beast transmission of the Covid virus, the Idyll-Beast should be treated as any other hominid:

Masks are mandatory in public settings in Riverside County at this time.

 

Drive-by sightings are still acceptable, but keep your eyes on the road and your hands on the wheel. Do not swerve wildly or take both hands off the wheel to express terror, surprise or delight. Be considerate of other motorists and do not block traffic.

Bring fresh trousers. Retail establishments may not be open.

Selfies should incorporate the Beast in the background. "Arms length plus" is a good rule of thumb.

If contactees feel the need to shriek in joy or terror they should limit this to "screaming in their hearts," or stifle the scream in an elbow (preferably thier own.) 

Outdoor activities can be healthy and safe if precautions are observed. We can get through this together!

Above the Fold

     This weeks Town Crier has been selling like hotcakes. The attraction is obvious,  photojournalist Jennifer Kirchner's work on the front page is pure Pulitzer bait.  Kirchner's images are always notable for their blend of artistic sensibility, technical acumen, and illustrative clarity. Her work with highway accidents are a high point in the Crier, keenly anticipated by die-hard readers. They are always well framed and composed, allowing the reader to reconstruct the unfortunate event and see a familiar stretch of highway from a new perspective. 

     Kirchner brings the same sensibilities to her wildlife work. In the shot below we find ourselves face to face with the mighty Idyll-Beast. The animal's choice to wear personal protection equipment give the image a timely and even more newsworthy aspect.  The location is well-known, but the perspective delightfully askew. 

     It is a hallmark of great photojournalism to unite the aesthetic and the informative, to wield the artist's rhetorical skill in the service of bringing the viewer face to face with reality. Ms. Kirchner we salute you.

Oregon Trailblazer

Click here for more about this evocative celebrity PSA.

This Just In

     This breaking story first came across the transom as a video on the “Coast to Coast Clear Channel”, a source that did not inspire confidence. But the video was easily confirmed as genuine, a Trinity County Board of Supervisors Meeting broadcast on the web. And offering the public the opportunity to participate by teleconference.

https://www.coasttocoastam.com/article/video-california-county-debates-resolution-to-protect-bigfoot

    Supervisors where captured on camera debating a resolution to make “any premeditated, willful and wanton slaying of bigfoot a misdemeanor punishable by fine and/or imprisonment in county jail.”

    One doubtful council member asked “Why?” He went on to describe, in increasingly exasperated terms, the hate mail he receives every time the board has this kind of discussion, finishing by stating that he was “offended” by the motion.  With the other matters before the Board including public health during the Covid-19 epidemic, and representatives of local first responders waiting to speak, he questioned the timing and propriety of the motion. He suggested that a non-binding “proclamation” would be more appropriate.  The first council member pointed out that with programs on television with provocative titles like “Killing Bigfoot” driving local tourism, it would be prudent to make explicit what most of us would know intuitively: It’s wrong, or at least very foolish, to take lethal action against what may or may not be an imaginary animal, or a neighbor in a fur suit. Or a halllucination. Or some intelligent but unknown mammal. And that it is not unknown in that neck of the woods for otherwise law-abiding members of the community, for reasons personal, spiritual or commercial, to don fur suits and commune with nature. Or other humans. And that all of these phenomenon deserve statutory protection, at least a fine. Washington state has reportedly done this already.

    After the various (human) stakeholders weighed in about subjects like tourism, bio-diversity, “enthusiasts” hiking the trails, and “dangerous costumes,” the motion was tabled, with the sponsoring council member promising to draft the proposal as a proclamation and continue the discussion at the next meeting. Doubtless the mention of nearby Willow Creek’s “Bigfoot Days”, and the possibility of “something Squatch related" the weekend before giving a lift to local commerce, impressed the more skeptical members and underlined the gravity of the issue

    Left out of the conversation, as the public health and first responder spokespeople took the floor, were Bigfoot’s feelings about this. Bigfoot, notoriously elusive, is unlikely to weigh in personally. He is not known to answer calls for comment. “This user has not configured their voicemail…”  He could be termed a Social Distancing Pioneer.

    The Idyll-Beast, although notoriously discrete, has a more relaxed attitude about humans. And offered this statement. “At least limit the season, the bear and the deer get that much!” The Beast added: “We may not need legislation. Existing statute places many restrictions on hunting, and rules against taking wildlife, although rarely enforced, probably cover this. Other predators are known to stay away from Bigfoot. Mountain lions and bears find they 'taste too much like people.' An ounce of education is worth a pound of enforcement!”