Monday, April 6, 2020

This Just In

     This breaking story first came across the transom as a video on the “Coast to Coast Clear Channel”, a source that did not inspire confidence. But the video was easily confirmed as genuine, a Trinity County Board of Supervisors Meeting broadcast on the web. And offering the public the opportunity to participate by teleconference.

https://www.coasttocoastam.com/article/video-california-county-debates-resolution-to-protect-bigfoot

    Supervisors where captured on camera debating a resolution to make “any premeditated, willful and wanton slaying of bigfoot a misdemeanor punishable by fine and/or imprisonment in county jail.”

    One doubtful council member asked “Why?” He went on to describe, in increasingly exasperated terms, the hate mail he receives every time the board has this kind of discussion, finishing by stating that he was “offended” by the motion.  With the other matters before the Board including public health during the Covid-19 epidemic, and representatives of local first responders waiting to speak, he questioned the timing and propriety of the motion. He suggested that a non-binding “proclamation” would be more appropriate.  The first council member pointed out that with programs on television with provocative titles like “Killing Bigfoot” driving local tourism, it would be prudent to make explicit what most of us would know intuitively: It’s wrong, or at least very foolish, to take lethal action against what may or may not be an imaginary animal, or a neighbor in a fur suit. Or a halllucination. Or some intelligent but unknown mammal. And that it is not unknown in that neck of the woods for otherwise law-abiding members of the community, for reasons personal, spiritual or commercial, to don fur suits and commune with nature. Or other humans. And that all of these phenomenon deserve statutory protection, at least a fine. Washington state has reportedly done this already.

    After the various (human) stakeholders weighed in about subjects like tourism, bio-diversity, “enthusiasts” hiking the trails, and “dangerous costumes,” the motion was tabled, with the sponsoring council member promising to draft the proposal as a proclamation and continue the discussion at the next meeting. Doubtless the mention of nearby Willow Creek’s “Bigfoot Days”, and the possibility of “something Squatch related" the weekend before giving a lift to local commerce, impressed the more skeptical members and underlined the gravity of the issue

    Left out of the conversation, as the public health and first responder spokespeople took the floor, were Bigfoot’s feelings about this. Bigfoot, notoriously elusive, is unlikely to weigh in personally. He is not known to answer calls for comment. “This user has not configured their voicemail…”  He could be termed a Social Distancing Pioneer.

    The Idyll-Beast, although notoriously discrete, has a more relaxed attitude about humans. And offered this statement. “At least limit the season, the bear and the deer get that much!” The Beast added: “We may not need legislation. Existing statute places many restrictions on hunting, and rules against taking wildlife, although rarely enforced, probably cover this. Other predators are known to stay away from Bigfoot. Mountain lions and bears find they 'taste too much like people.' An ounce of education is worth a pound of enforcement!”
   

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