Monday, August 23, 2010

As the Fur Turns

The missing 55 minutes, that’s the problem with the recordings of the Mid-Summer’s Night Chamber of Commerce meeting. Various versions of that evening's events have surfaced, but none completely satisfy. One version has it that as the evening went on Chamber Then-Still-President, Acting Secretary and etc. Ken Carlson slowly began to change into an Idyll-Beast. First the hair: beautiful golden fur sprouting all over his face. Then the body: his stature and posture looking stranger and stranger there on the dais. And his defense became less and less intelligible until the Beast, protesting, had to be led outside, where he remained the rest of the evening pressing his muzzle against the window.

No one has reported that this actually happened. But a lot of unusual events do go unremarked around here. Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence, but Ken’s continued (normal) appearance about town give the lie to this story. He was seen at Café Aroma the very next night, standing at attention (with hand over heart) as the Skeleton Crew belted out the Perry Mason theme. Carlson is also said to be considering a spot in next season’s reality TV bomb: the Bachelor, Pine Cove Edition. Way to stimulate the local economy, Ken.

By now we’ve all heard or read that Ken had to write a check to the Crier for $5,000. For pettifogging tom-foolery. For wasting the court’s time and Town Crier’s rich British masters’ money. There was no Golden Parachute for this skydiver into the abyss of small town politics. He did it all for free. And he says it has made him much more popular. He was quoted as saying “litigation is not positive for anyone.” Not even lawyers, I guess. Did he really say that? Now we all know about that Secret Graveyard out behind the chamber meeting hall. Graveyard of ambitions, they say. Not buried too deeply. As kids we used to dare one another to spend the night there. Especially on Good Friday, when “God is dead and the devil is loose.” There is a ritual that former directors are said to have recourse to. It involves a candle, a mirror and a copy of the Chamber By-Laws. I am already looking forward to the “All Hallows Eve” Chamber of Commerce meeting.

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