Saturday, December 3, 2016

Great Divider

Today Renate Caine asked for the lyrics to one of the songs I sing. Broadly topical, it seems to never go out of style.  Now more than ever.

We all come from the same place
and we all have to die.
What's all this dangerous nonsense
what's with this great divide?

We've got nothing between us
and there's noplace to hide
outside the water's rising
how'd the river get to be so wide?

Dig down deep
dig as deep as you can
layer after layer you find them
history's also ran.

It looks like we're the lucky
as much as the quick the good or the strong
'cause when that ____ hits the fan
it's bigger than any man.

So let's not talk about good enough
I think we'll have to do
you and me together sister
still a few things we can do.

Season's Greetings, Beast Watchers.

Saturday, August 13, 2016

Fair and Balanced: The Beast's Rebuttal

     Reached at his Fern Valley Redoubt, the Beast had a few words to share regarding the Fox 11 story “captured” below.

    "First of all, the story is a little blurry. It could be an actual screen shot of a Fox News 11 webstory, or it cold be a clever forgery. Are these people accustomed to publishing stories based on testimony by people with names like "Colonel Cotton?" Sounds  more like "Colonel Cotton-Mouth" to me."
    "I  was in Mountain Center that day, and though it could be a concidence, I did see someone who might have been “Colonol Cotton” as he staggered down the steps from a poorly maintained RV. The aroma of the Winnebago was a mixture of hot rubber, petro-chemicals, human waste, and various deodorants. As “Col. Cotton” emerged, so did the unmistakable skunk-smokey smell of the herbal smoking mixture he and “Mrs. Cotton” had been partaking of in the “cabin.” They had not recently bathed, and the masking odors they both utilized barely subdued the odors of grease from fast-food eateries, ranch dressing, something that disagreed with “Col. Cotton’s” insides, and a recent fishing trip."    
     "Since the interview only quoted “Col. Cotton,” I will refrain from touching on “Mrs. Cotton’s” odor. But I do think I recognized “Gretchen” from somewhere, and she had a strangely familiar face."
     "Mrs. Cotton” did have quite  a head of hair, but the "Colonel's" fur was patchy at best. His greying roots gave away an amateurish dye-job."

At this point the Beast sighed heavily. "I sometimes get tired of addressing these kind of stories, but I can still hope it provides a teachable moment."

Sunday, July 31, 2016

Crazy Like A Fox

     This came in today through the Intertubes. A Beast sighting at the Mountain Center gas station. Neither Fox News nor Colonel Cotton have replied to requests for comment.

     Not to be too politically correct, but Fur Covered Americans sometimes take exception to the generic "Sasquatch" (a much blurrier creature) and the old canard about "skunks" and "rotten meat." Modern Idyll-Beast Researchers prefer "garlicky," "hints of sage and cedar," and "undertone of bacon."

    We hope Colonel and Mrs Cotton enjoyed their visit to California, and look forward to interviewing them up at the Research Center on their next visit.

Friday, July 29, 2016

Saunders Meadow Beast Crossing

Safety minded citizens have created a new Beast Crossing on an undisclosed byway near Saunders Meadow Road. This image captures the magic of twilight and the effectiveness of these handy and beautiful signs. Be sure to keep your eyes open, and drive safely people.

Thursday, June 30, 2016

Don't Call Them "Chicken of the Forest"

     We at the Idyll-Beast Research Center have never masqueraded as “Mad Men,” but we do dabble in the dark arts and have recently volunteered our services for a little public opinion shaping.

     Our Local Quail Covey now has a public relations firm (Idyll-Beast, Draper and Associates) to help shape the opinions (and dining habits) of certain carnivorous sectors of the population, We are encouraging the local predators to “Eat more rabbit!”. After extensive focus-group testing the team has rolled out a campaign including:

“Rabbit: It’s what’s for dinner!”
“Nine out of Ten raptors surveyed prefer rabbit.”
“Rabbit: so plump, so delicious, so plentiful!” 

     The campaign touts the many benefits of rabbit, seeking to brand it as the gold standard of gustatory value and convenience: “You’d have to catch a dozen of those boney and wily Quail to equal the food value of a single sluggish and dim-witted rabbit. Think of the time you can spend with your family, and the looks of delight on their faces whenever you bring home Rabbit!”

     Crows, Ravens and Blue Jays are being informed of the latest studies recommending a diet high in grains, greens and bugs, road-kill in moderation, and complete avoidance of Quail chicks. The tiny birds are high in cholesterol (as are Quail eggs) and the little bones send hundreds of Raccons and Stellar’s Jays to veterinary emergency rooms each year.

Thursday, January 28, 2016


Visitors to our buffet relax, socialize and enjoy a variety of scratch grains. It's always nice to fill the crop on a cold morning. The Idyll-Beast has been serving meals to the local covey in an attempt to recruit research cohorts. The best science is not always done on a full stomach, but some questions are much clearer after a meal.