Thursday, June 30, 2016

Don't Call Them "Chicken of the Forest"

     We at the Idyll-Beast Research Center have never masqueraded as “Mad Men,” but we do dabble in the dark arts and have recently volunteered our services for a little public opinion shaping.

     Our Local Quail Covey now has a public relations firm (Idyll-Beast, Draper and Associates) to help shape the opinions (and dining habits) of certain carnivorous sectors of the population, We are encouraging the local predators to “Eat more rabbit!”. After extensive focus-group testing the team has rolled out a campaign including:

“Rabbit: It’s what’s for dinner!”
“Nine out of Ten raptors surveyed prefer rabbit.”
“Rabbit: so plump, so delicious, so plentiful!” 

     The campaign touts the many benefits of rabbit, seeking to brand it as the gold standard of gustatory value and convenience: “You’d have to catch a dozen of those boney and wily Quail to equal the food value of a single sluggish and dim-witted rabbit. Think of the time you can spend with your family, and the looks of delight on their faces whenever you bring home Rabbit!”

     Crows, Ravens and Blue Jays are being informed of the latest studies recommending a diet high in grains, greens and bugs, road-kill in moderation, and complete avoidance of Quail chicks. The tiny birds are high in cholesterol (as are Quail eggs) and the little bones send hundreds of Raccons and Stellar’s Jays to veterinary emergency rooms each year.