Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Do I Smell Bacon?

Readers of all political stripes (and spots) have been outraged by recent revelations of excess and debauchery by members of the Federal Government’s General Services Agency. Almost a million dollars was spent on one “motivational seminar” in Las Vegas, and officials who organized this little shindig took nine so called “planning trips” to Vegas before the main event. The travel and catering costs for the planning phase alone totaled over $136,000. One investigator, staggered by the scope of this “culture of fraud, waste and corruption,” was quoted as saying “every time we turn over a rock, there are fifty more with all kinds of things crawling out.” Sounds like spring-time in my back yard.

We at the Idyll-Beast Research Center have been quick to spot the silver lining in this cloud of corruption, bribery and kickbacks. This week we sent off a huge package of brochures from local inns, restaurants, shops, day spas and pet grooming services, along with an effusive cover letter offering the services of the Chamber of Commerce as “Event Planning Consultants,” addressed to the General Service Agency’s Department of Wretched Excess and Unseemly Frolic. I bought the stamp myself.

What happens in Vegas no longer stays in Vegas, but Idyllwild… We have a crypto-hominid serving on the Board of Directors of our Local Chamber of Commerce, yet the tabloids leave us alone. This is just the kind of place where beastly hi-jinx will be ignored. And think how much further our tax dollars will go here!

Friday, April 6, 2012


More evidence from the recent Riverside County Fair and national Date Festival has surfaced. I here reproduce the unedited report from famous cryptozoologist "Splatt Ratzenberger."

In 2011, Splatt and family left Palm Desert for a backwoods 4 wheel-drive camping excursion to Black Mountain, when they caught their first glimpse of the Idyll-Beast – posted on the yellow sign at Mountain Center.
Needless to say, hopes of a chance-encounter kept them on their toes, all thru the night! They hoped to lure the Idyll-Beast into camp with ‘smores…but the wind wasn’t blowing the right direction.
They visited the friendly folks at the Black Mountain Fire Lookout for an incredible view - high atop the pines…but no Idyll-Beast movement was seen.
They even ventured into “Camp Lackey”, the long-abandoned YMCA Camp....but came up empty.
Finally, “Splatt”, of the Biker Nation TV Show, discovers the long-elusive Idyll-Beast at the Riverside County Fair, of all places!!

Kids, these days, do “planking”….”owling”….and even “phooning”.
In Idyllwild, Splatt and daughter, “C-Na$ty” sent all their friends a cell-phone pic….“Beasting”.

Even motorcycle riding Momma, “Wild Child” got in on the act….