In the interest of "research and scientific inquiry" the FBI has recently released documents from its vault regarding Bigfoot, specifically the analysis of hair samples purported to belong to the beloved crypto-hominid. These documents will be of interest to fans of government transparency and lovers of Bigfoot.
It seems that, during the 1970's, Bigfoot's identity was considered a matter of national security. Our nation's top law enforcement agency kept a file on the mysterious manimal and investigated credible reports of his (or her) activities. The file includes, in addition to newspaper articles and letters from researchers, fur and "tissue" samples which were forwarded to the relevant experts. The agency's Fur Analysis Laboratory returned a tantalizing verdict: the samples belonged to a member of the Deer family.
The agents in charge made an attempt to contact the researcher but he was apparently difficult to reach. The letter informing him of the test results was returned by the post office and then lost in the bureaucracy, only coming to the light of public knowledge with a recent release of FBI files.
The agents in charge made an attempt to contact the researcher but he was apparently difficult to reach. The letter informing him of the test results was returned by the post office and then lost in the bureaucracy, only coming to the light of public knowledge with a recent release of FBI files.
Reached at his Fern Valley redoubt, the Idyll-Beast looked over the documents carefully before responidng: "Yes, I've always considered Bigfoot to be a member of my dear family. I think an uncle." Bigfoot declined numerous requests for comment.
