and obliged the staff photographer with a smile and a wag...
Sunday, December 23, 2012
and obliged the staff photographer with a smile and a wag...
Friday, December 7, 2012
Our legal team has determined that the case is probably frivolous, but to be on the safe side (ex abundanti cautela) "defendants" may bring their "summons" to the Idyll-Beast Research Center. Although not qualified to give legal advice, we know how to spot a hoax. We reproduce below one of these documents. Click on the image to see a larger view. You may need to click again to magnify the image.
The document seems to be missing a "proof of service" and the verification paragraph is suspect, missing a signature as it is. Trick or treat indeed. The tone is somewhat more refined and polite than that of some attorneys, and the prose more natural. Many "Delicious Idyllwilders" will be watching their mail boxes for a "Motion to Compel."
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Friday, October 5, 2012
Monday, July 2, 2012
Monday, June 18, 2012
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Monday, June 4, 2012
Guest researcher Patrick Strong submitted this image of three delighted wine and balloon lovers discovering one of the Inland Empire's lesser-known assets.
A careful perusal of the image reveals what appears to be a slightly blurry Idyllwild Nature Center volunteer, Scott Fisher. It is lilely that the blurring is a result of the camera's depth of field and not Mr Fisher's wine consumption.
Friday, May 11, 2012
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Readers of all political stripes (and spots) have been outraged by recent revelations of excess and debauchery by members of the Federal Government’s General Services Agency. Almost a million dollars was spent on one “motivational seminar” in Las Vegas, and officials who organized this little shindig took nine so called “planning trips” to Vegas before the main event. The travel and catering costs for the planning phase alone totaled over $136,000. One investigator, staggered by the scope of this “culture of fraud, waste and corruption,” was quoted as saying “every time we turn over a rock, there are fifty more with all kinds of things crawling out.” Sounds like spring-time in my back yard.
We at the Idyll-Beast Research Center have been quick to spot the silver lining in this cloud of corruption, bribery and kickbacks. This week we sent off a huge package of brochures from local inns, restaurants, shops, day spas and pet grooming services, along with an effusive cover letter offering the services of the Chamber of Commerce as “Event Planning Consultants,” addressed to the General Service Agency’s Department of Wretched Excess and Unseemly Frolic. I bought the stamp myself.
What happens in Vegas no longer stays in Vegas, but Idyllwild… We have a crypto-hominid serving on the Board of Directors of our Local Chamber of Commerce, yet the tabloids leave us alone. This is just the kind of place where beastly hi-jinx will be ignored. And think how much further our tax dollars will go here!
Friday, April 6, 2012
More evidence from the recent Riverside County Fair and national Date Festival has surfaced. I here reproduce the unedited report from famous cryptozoologist "Splatt Ratzenberger."
Friday, March 2, 2012
According to her website, Reetsie is a "self taught artist and professional animal trainer who has always been enthralled by the beauty she sees around her in nature." We couldn't have said it better.
Monday, February 27, 2012
The evidence keeps on coming. This year's County Fair and Date Festival was the "Best Ever." Here Beast watcher Arminda Aceves captured Ariana, Caitlyn and Cypress Hill from North Shore California visiting with the staff at the Idyllwild Chamber of Commerce booth. We salute these promising Future Cryptozoologists of America!
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Friday, February 24, 2012
Record crowds have been thronging the Fairgrounds in Indio, and the Idyllwild Chamber of Commerce booth has been a mob scene. Idy has been inviting scores of adventurous young people into our little "wildlife preserve" for photo ops. Researchers are combing through the mountain of evidence that has resulted from these encounters and will be releasing the images as we are able to confirm their authenticity. This image seems unretouched except for some color/brightness adjustment.
The Chamber still needs volunteers. Chamber watchers and Cryptozoologists may apply in person at the Funky Bazzaar, the Cave, or Bubba's Books. Steve and Peter have tickets and parking. Give Idy a break!
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
There were some challenges in training the Idyll-Beast to keep the table neat. Those big paws were not made for straightening up tightly spaced piles of brochures, but I think he’s getting the hang of it. Our Beast-Whisperers have also done a great job of developing the Animal’s “script.” We have replaced last year’s greeting, “You look delicious” (maybe too provocative) with the more business-like “Have you ever been to Idyllwild?” His old sign-off line “Look me up when you’re in town” was also deemed by some too personal and he now ends each conversation with “See you in Idyllwild!”
This brings up a sensitive subject. Some members of the community have suggested that the Idyll-Beast “scares children.” I am always quick to ask if the speaker has actually seen a Beast scare a child or heard a child complain about being scared. Or is the complainer just projecting? Setting aside for the moment the fact that many Idyllwilders “scare children” and are still allowed out in public, I would like to point out that the only incidents I have personally witnessed were the results of parents (generally new fathers) who were unclear on the protocol for introducing babes in arms to a new animal. Some careless adults see the Idyll-Beast and just push the carriage right up to him, forgetting themselves completely and giving junior something of a shock when he or she glances up from their bottle to see a mountain of fur towering over them.
I believe the proper method is common knowledge, but among modern parents it is unwise to assume anything, so here I present a digest of accepted practices:
Upon seeing a new animal, park the carriage at a safe distance, 10 to 20 feet. Gently direct the child’s attention to the animal. Smile.
Leaving the carriage (preferable with a parent or other familiar adult) approach the animal yourself slowly, being sure to smile and present yourself in a non-threatening manner.
Having greeted the animal and asked its permission, you may pet, shake hands, or put an arm around the creature. Again make eye contact with your child, smile, and make reassuring noises.
Finally, if the child seems willing, slowly bring the child closer to the animal and create a suitable photo-op.
It should also be mentioned that our Idyll-Beasts have received sensitivity training. Don’t approach little ones, let them approach you. Identify yourself as a representative of the Chamber of Commerce. Never go through hand bags, back packs or vehicles in search of snacks. When greeting visitors “Welcome to Idyllwild!” is preferred over “you look delicious!” Always refer to children as “Offspring” and not “appetizers” or “tasty little morsels.”
We are presently preparing a customer satisfaction survey that will allow visitors to rate their “encounter” and give the Chamber some metrics. Contactees will be asked to rate their Idyll-Beast on courteousness, grooming, and general knowledge. Science marches forward.
Friday, February 10, 2012
It was about two years ago that we began to think of getting a pet for the Idyll-Beast. We introduced him to a number of cats and dogs, and then took him to meet several shop-keepers and restaurateurs, but the animal seemed unsure….until the evening he saw a Chamber of Commerce meeting. I was reminded of the first time I saw an aquarium; the brightly colored creatures flashing too and fro, some alone, some in little schools, the sense of a jewel-like miniature world under the unearthly glow of the fluorescent light. Looking through the plate glass at the Water District that night, I knew Idy was hooked.
The Beast was fascinated with his new hobby. He learned to tell the various officers apart, explaining to anyone who would listen the difference between the first and second Vice-President. “The Second Vice-President is taller, and handles membership.” After a few months Idy succeeded in hand feeding most of the directors, and even found a little castle and a scuba diver to decorate the meeting room.
Keeping pets, as we all know, is not without its moments of grief. One morning I woke to find one of my little gems colorless and belly up. I remember having to scoop it out with a net. My elders explained that “burial at sea” was an appropriate method of interment. So sad watching the little fellow spin around in the porcelain before vanishing into the hereafter.
So it was with heavy heart that the Idyll-Beast took out his net at the recent meeting of the Board of Directors, at which President Nick Todd’s resignation was accepted by the other Directors. Todd had not been himself lately, his color fading, his fins drooping. He never really recovered from his encounter with the larger fish from the County. The debacle of the Town Hall lease left him feeling filleted and salted. Luckily for Todd, there is compelling evidence for life after the Chamber of Commerce
Monday, January 30, 2012
Evidence is still trickling in from the Third Annual Idyllwild International Festival of Cinema. In addition to the sighting inside the theater (see the January 17th post) there was what can only be described as a photo op on the Red Carpet earlier that day. One of the participants in the Festival, Director Ben Cooper, tracked down a member of our staff inquiring about the possibilities of an encounter between an Idyll-Beast and the Creature featured in his offering, "Primitive."
Soon after the call, "Idy" bounded out of the forest, across North Circle (looking both ways before crossing) and onto the Red Carpet. Ben did his best to corral the animal over to the area where a model of his creature was on display, but not before the Beast was thronged by admirers. A few accommodating visitors did allow themselves be photographed with the model, but all eyes, and cameras, were on the Beast. Posing with the ladies, holding the babies, exchanging grooming tips with the gentlemen, working the crowd. During a pause in the hub-bub, Cooper quipped to the Beast "You're really popular up here!"
"We don't get many celebrities in this town," was the Animal's reply.
Thursday, January 19, 2012
This morning I was awoken by a curious scratching sound and a thump on the front porch. It was a little early for the UPS man, but I went downstairs and opened the door. I could have sworn I saw a furry figure vanish into the forest, and when I looked at my feet, I saw a manuscript tied up with string on the door mat. I took it inside and began reading. It turned out to be a “treatment” and screenplay for a very unusual psychological horror story.
In keeping with our practice of never abusing the attention of our gentle readers, I here reproduce the treatment alone. I think it conveys an accurate impression of the script.
THE BEAST WHO FELL TO EARTH
Copyright 2012, The Idyll-Beast Research Center. All rights reserved
Opening shots, forested mountain. Birds sing, a creek chatters, squirrels gossip, a coyote saunters warily. A furry biped is carrying a handful of berries and tubers. He approaches a Heidi Beast and a Cub, both intent upon the grinding of acorns. Scenes of domestic tranquility.
Night in the forest. The Beast family sleeps peacefully.
As the Beast sleeps he dreams…
A human face at the mirror, shaving. The man (the Hunter) walks downstairs past mounted antlers and animal heads. He takes a few bites of his breakfast and throws the rest down a noisy garbage disposal. He gets into a truck, starts up its smoke belching engine, and heads for the mountains.
We see the man taking a huge rifle out of its bag and heading up a trail. Soon shots echo through the valley and creatures are falling. The hunter beheads their lifeless bodies and leaves the good parts there to rot.
The Idyll-Beast wakes up in a cold sweat, his pulse racing. He jumps up and realizes it was only a dream…
But then while eating breakfast he hears a rifle shot… or was it only thunder?
The next night he dreams again. He again looks a strange face in the mirror as it emerges from shaving cream. This man (the Truck Driver) goes downstairs and kicks his dog. He treats his mate little better, and twists the ear of his child. He gets into a smoke-belching truck and heads onto the freeway, cursing the other drivers and honking his horn.
The Beast again wakes with a start. His mate is now concerned, and they attempt to comfort one another. At lunch he hears what sounds like the air horn of the truck in his dream. Or was it a bird?
The dreams continue: a doctor performing cruel experiments on monkeys, a farmer keeping pigs on a factory farm, a politician accepting bribes from the owner of a meat-packing consortium, a child who sets ants on fire with a magnifying glass, pulls his cat’s tail and pins butterflies to cards.
Increasingly agitated the Beast seeks solitude in a strange part of the forest., journeying further than he ever has before. He sits down to rest. Suddenly he feels a prick in his shoulder and sees a little colored dart sticking out of his furry flesh. He becomes dizzy and falls to the forest floor. Before he loses consciousness he sees emerging from behind a tree…. The Hunter!
When he regains consciousness he is bound and being carried from the Hunter’s truck to another larger vehicle. At the wheel… the Truck Driver!
They take him to a laboratory where the doctor removes his mask to reveal… the frightened face of …the Experimenter…
Finally the Beast ends up in a cage at a circus side show. A curtain rises and the other monsters from his dreams are crowded around, gawking with open mouths and looks of fear…
False ending. Fade to black.
Then we see the Hunter waking from a dream, shaking and screaming, sweat soaking his night shirt.
The Truck Driver also wakes in the cab of his truck, and notices he has wet his pants.
The Experimenter leaps from his bed, clutching his heart, eyes popping in horror. One after another the monsters waken in fear and trembling as the credits roll.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
At first seating himself (with a large bucket of "delicious" popcorn) at the rear of the theater, he soon noticed Chamber Mascot Steve Moulton and joined him.
In an interview Steve stated:
The Beast offered me some of his popcorn, but when I tried it I got a mouthful of fur. Those paws of his get fur in everything. The Beast seemed really interested in a film that he had heard was "about eating," but seemed a little disappointed by the film's "stereotypical depiction of fur-covered Americans." After about a half hour he stopped eating his popcorn and never finished. I think he stayed until the end just to be polite. When the lights came up I wasn't sure what to expect. He hemmed and hawed a little bit, complimented the acting and direction, the cinematography and especially the music. "Very professional." Before he left he said something about "just for once they should make a film about an animal that dreams he is a human and does terrible things. That would be scary."