Virtual and physical visitors to our Forests and Parks are advised that not all Idyll-Beast contacts are legitimate. It is a sad fact of our modern existence that unscrupulous actors are poised to take advantage of the unsuspecting. Travelers should exercise normal vigilance and caution during Beast contact episodes.

 1) Real Idyll-Beasts will never ask for your personal information, Social Security number or Banking data. 

 2) They will never ask you to buy them gift cards or wire transfer them money. 

 3) There is no "valet parking" at Riverside County Parks. Any creature offering to park your car for you should be treated with suspicion. 

 4) Idyll-beast will never send you unsolicited text messages asking you to "click" on a link. Hackers go to great legnths to make messages look real, adding phony ".gov" addresses and even government seals. Better to type an address into the browser bar directly. A cautious "hover" of the mouse will reveal the actual destination of a link. 

 5) The Beast will not use "what's app" or other social medai to contact people and neither will the US government. 

 

Report scams to ftc.gov/complaint. Your report matters. It helps stop scams and alert people about them.

New Rules

Riverside County Public Health Officials have announced new rules regarding Idyll-Beast sightings. 

Visitors to our Parks and Wilderness-adjacent communities are instructed to maintain social distancing at all times. Although there are no documented cases of Human to Beast transmission of the Covid virus, the Idyll-Beast should be treated as any other hominid:

Masks are mandatory in public settings in Riverside County at this time.

 

Drive-by sightings are still acceptable, but keep your eyes on the road and your hands on the wheel. Do not swerve wildly or take both hands off the wheel to express terror, surprise or delight. Be considerate of other motorists and do not block traffic.

Bring fresh trousers. Retail establishments may not be open.

Selfies should incorporate the Beast in the background. "Arms length plus" is a good rule of thumb.

If contactees feel the need to shriek in joy or terror they should limit this to "screaming in their hearts," or stifle the scream in an elbow (preferably thier own.) 

Outdoor activities can be healthy and safe if precautions are observed. We can get through this together!

Above the Fold

     This weeks Town Crier has been selling like hotcakes. The attraction is obvious,  photojournalist Jennifer Kirchner's work on the front page is pure Pulitzer bait.  Kirchner's images are always notable for their blend of artistic sensibility, technical acumen, and illustrative clarity. Her work with highway accidents are a high point in the Crier, keenly anticipated by die-hard readers. They are always well framed and composed, allowing the reader to reconstruct the unfortunate event and see a familiar stretch of highway from a new perspective. 

     Kirchner brings the same sensibilities to her wildlife work. In the shot below we find ourselves face to face with the mighty Idyll-Beast. The animal's choice to wear personal protection equipment give the image a timely and even more newsworthy aspect.  The location is well-known, but the perspective delightfully askew. 

     It is a hallmark of great photojournalism to unite the aesthetic and the informative, to wield the artist's rhetorical skill in the service of bringing the viewer face to face with reality. Ms. Kirchner we salute you.

Oregon Trailblazer

Click here for more about this evocative celebrity PSA.

This Just In

     This breaking story first came across the transom as a video on the “Coast to Coast Clear Channel”, a source that did not inspire confidence. But the video was easily confirmed as genuine, a Trinity County Board of Supervisors Meeting broadcast on the web. And offering the public the opportunity to participate by teleconference.

https://www.coasttocoastam.com/article/video-california-county-debates-resolution-to-protect-bigfoot

    Supervisors where captured on camera debating a resolution to make “any premeditated, willful and wanton slaying of bigfoot a misdemeanor punishable by fine and/or imprisonment in county jail.”

    One doubtful council member asked “Why?” He went on to describe, in increasingly exasperated terms, the hate mail he receives every time the board has this kind of discussion, finishing by stating that he was “offended” by the motion.  With the other matters before the Board including public health during the Covid-19 epidemic, and representatives of local first responders waiting to speak, he questioned the timing and propriety of the motion. He suggested that a non-binding “proclamation” would be more appropriate.  The first council member pointed out that with programs on television with provocative titles like “Killing Bigfoot” driving local tourism, it would be prudent to make explicit what most of us would know intuitively: It’s wrong, or at least very foolish, to take lethal action against what may or may not be an imaginary animal, or a neighbor in a fur suit. Or a halllucination. Or some intelligent but unknown mammal. And that it is not unknown in that neck of the woods for otherwise law-abiding members of the community, for reasons personal, spiritual or commercial, to don fur suits and commune with nature. Or other humans. And that all of these phenomenon deserve statutory protection, at least a fine. Washington state has reportedly done this already.

    After the various (human) stakeholders weighed in about subjects like tourism, bio-diversity, “enthusiasts” hiking the trails, and “dangerous costumes,” the motion was tabled, with the sponsoring council member promising to draft the proposal as a proclamation and continue the discussion at the next meeting. Doubtless the mention of nearby Willow Creek’s “Bigfoot Days”, and the possibility of “something Squatch related" the weekend before giving a lift to local commerce, impressed the more skeptical members and underlined the gravity of the issue

    Left out of the conversation, as the public health and first responder spokespeople took the floor, were Bigfoot’s feelings about this. Bigfoot, notoriously elusive, is unlikely to weigh in personally. He is not known to answer calls for comment. “This user has not configured their voicemail…”  He could be termed a Social Distancing Pioneer.

    The Idyll-Beast, although notoriously discrete, has a more relaxed attitude about humans. And offered this statement. “At least limit the season, the bear and the deer get that much!” The Beast added: “We may not need legislation. Existing statute places many restrictions on hunting, and rules against taking wildlife, although rarely enforced, probably cover this. Other predators are known to stay away from Bigfoot. Mountain lions and bears find they 'taste too much like people.' An ounce of education is worth a pound of enforcement!”
   

The World Takes a Deep Breath

     With the cessation of most human movement,  a strange silence falls on our community. Nature looks around. The Beasts venture out of the forest, peeking into local cafes and restaurants. Furry digits trace the signs: Take Out Only. Just as the swans and dolphins have returned to the canals of Venice (probably following the fish) the Idyll-Beast is being spotted up and down North Circle Drive.

     Some of his restlessness is perhaps due to Heidi's continued absence. Plans to repatriate her from Washington have been... put on hold.  Members of the  Emotional Support Animal Task Force assembled to help Mueller's grand jury witnesses, retained for the House's impeachment hearings, and then kept in reserve in case witnesses would be called for the "trial" in the Senate, are sheltering in place. It is presently unknown how many animals were left behind, or how many may have "self naturalized," disappearing under the beds and into the woodwork, ventilation and uphostery. There's no point now in placing blame for the delay in returning these volunteers (and professionals) to their communities. In mid-February there seemed no hurry, just a bunch of plane reservations for unaccompanied animals.  Now, just as the nation experiences an unprecedented need for comfort, many of our furry first responders are sidelined.

     Many of us are separated from loved ones in this trying time. Some of us can do nothing but wait, while a small number race against time and the limits of human endurance. As we turn inwards our thoughts go out to them, both the isolated and the overwhelmed.  Those of us who can breathe normally are taking a deep breath, and taking stock of what we have and who we are. Spring is coming. And a somewhat distracted looking Idyll-Beast is sighted ambling toward town with a daffodil and a branch of plum blossoms in hand.

We Honor Your Service

   On Novermber 13th of  last year, when members of the House of Intelligence Committee officially began it’s inquiry into the Impeachment of President Donald Trump, a groundswell of support among members of the Emotional Support Animal community manifested in an historic demonstration of solidarity, as Service Animals crowded the capitol building to offer their services to Representatives, their staff, and the witnesses.

https://nypost.com/2019/11/13/therapy-dogs-visit-stressed-congressional-staffers-at-impeachment-hearings/

   As the testimony unfolded Americans were disarmed by the candor and the courage of the witnesses, but the animals were the unsung heroes, the unseen stars. EU Ambassador Gordon Sondland’s cheerful visage and even playful demeanor was apparently due in no small part to the trio of rodents, hamsters to be precise, that crowded his lap as he faced the committee. “Quid”, “Pro”, and “Quo” were unavailable for comment, but Service Animal scuttlebutt has it that the small furry creatures were shaken but unharmed by their time with “Ambassador restless hands.” Dr. Fiona Hill and Ambassador Yovanovich are said to have waived the right to Emotional Support animals, but to have stopped by the dressing room to say “hi.” Our own Heidi Beast is reported to have persuaded both to autograph her harness.

  As the articles of impeachment have been conveyed to the Senate, rules for witnesses, and their Emotional Support animals, remain a “bone” of contention between members of the minority and majority. Former National Security Advisor John Bolton is rumored to have demanded a Panda Bear. And a wading pool full of blue M&Ms, but that is another story. The Panda request stretches and tests our definition of Support Animal, and Mr. Bolton’s stated intent to “…ride the Panda into the Senate chamber with a bullwhip in one hand and a cattle prod in the other” has raised eyebrows on both sides of the aisle. It would certainly raise the hackles of animal rights activists.
   Bolton has even requested an emotional support animal for his mustache, “some kind of spiny, venomous caterpillar in an appropriate matching shade of grey.”  This may be impossible. The main exporter of grey spiny venomous caterpillars, Australia, is presently suffering a summer of horrific wild fires, and the status of the caterpillars is still unknown.